Month: October 2016

So COCKPIT wanted to run trail on Friday night instead of the usual Saturday. No problem, go ahead sir. We met at a bar outside a “lifestyle center” (or shopping mall, for the over 30 folks). After we were well lubed, trail set off, and to the surprise of no one it immediately went into Dick’s.

After wandering through the store a bit, it was back out into the parking lot for a beer near. Let’s be honest, guys. Who hasn’t needed a beer after shopping on a Friday night?

Oh well, back into the mall just in time for closing. A large part of the pack got lost, but they apparently weren’t the ones who have shopped with a woman (or gay men). Look through the clothing, you idiots!

Half the pack (I don’t know what you’re talking about) got lost in a service corridor but found trail anyway, then to on-in, where CAN’T FIND IT got named.

All trails are shitty, but I have to admit this one was fun…running around a mall with a (root) beer.

Talk about a perfect storm of fuckery. Let’s start a trail at a video game parlor, when no one in this kennel can use both hands at once (sober or drunk), then have it hared by a guy whose greatest asset is his ability to get lost. For good measure let’s toss in some visitors from Houston and a random virgin.

I thought about waiting to talk about the virgin, but fuck it. He’s not coming back and I’m not spoiling anything anyway. Dude shows up looking for fun, proceeds to get shitfaced at the bar, then ignores (almost) everything we told him in chalk talk. Ok guy, you ran 20 miles yesterday, have fun.

Off we went, with the pack following trail to a point only hashers would find…the hidden beer near. It was here our virgin trouble started. You see, he was on some kind of mission…we…just wanted beer. New guy missed the turn and kept running…and running…despite our best efforts to hail him, Forrest just kept Gumping for a good six blocks until we gave in to the siren song of nectar. We gave up looking but he just kept running, actually making it to the next beer near before the hares.

After our virgin was sacrificed the rest of us found the next beer near, where we were truly quenched. Off to do what was becoming known as the African heritage trail, for its path through significant parts of Columbus.

After another shot/beer near it was obvious things weren’t going as planned, so the pack ran ahead of the hares anyway, waiting for a beer near that never materialized. After that it was decided “fuck the rest of trail” – we followed it until it got dark (Trump voters will take that entirely differently) and then said “fuck it” and abandoned trail for a nearby brewery.

I dont even know if circle was conducted after this Ebola style trail. I was too busy consoling the victims to bother.