Hash Trash

04/16/16 #037 Mother Udder’s Cowtown Founders Analversary

A beautiful day was picked for our #37 Mother Udders Founders Analversary, hared by the original Cowtowner himself, BLACK WATCH. We met at The Rock in Columbus; where we were having so much fun in the bar, that we didn’t start trail for two hours.

After the on-start the long long long, 6 mile trail had begun.
We get to the first check and the group was split on which direction to go. It took us quite some time to find the correct way to go. Once we found our way, we were on our way down the dangerous Cooper Road and then to the beautiful Casto park.

From here we hiked a total of 3 miles to our one and only Beer Near stop. RALPHIE THE FRAT BOY decided to make his trail a little more difficult and pushed a baby jogger. He brought a long a little commander which we called Frat boy. The boy was a trooper, we were all treated to his stories on how many trails he has been on since he was only 4-1/2 years old. I think he complained the least on the trail.

After the one and only BN stop, we found ourselves at a long False which was a trash pit in the middle of a field, which was still smoldering from being on fire (probably from the night before). Once again, we had a difficult time finding the proper way to go as we kept finding only double false starts! Some hashers did not know there was a bike trail like the one we were on, so at least they learned something new. We finally found the right way to go and away we went.

We eventually found ourselves on an abandon railroad track that was heavily wooded, looking for the next BN stop. After a 6 mile trail (if you didn’t do all the false starts. And if you did, the Fitbit numbers were in the double digits), extreme thirst was had by all because the Hare didn’t keep up with the tradition of multiple BN Stops. I had started to think this was an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) version of a hash trail. We were assured that this wasn’t an AA hash trail, and there was indeed beer at the end…..if we didn’t die of thirst before we got there.

Finally, the On-in was found and dehydration was a thing of the past! No one needed medical help for dehydration, but LADY HUMPS A LOT was at the ready, if need be. We were all treated to a delicious potluck dinner and thanks go out to everyone who brought food. Special thanks to MOON OVER MY TRUCKIE for opening her house to these half-minds so soon after moving!

The circle was conducted by WORKING MEMBER, as our RA was sunbathing at a nude beach and couldn’t be bothered with us. While conducting circle, he was sweetening the air with his multiple flatulations. The weather was so nice, that 4 hashers were spring cleaning and airing out their private parts. As the temperature dropped, the air turned chilly. What better way to warm people up than a fire pit. The Fire building was done cave style with a log that could have heated up SERIALBATER’S cabeza! A new Renegade song was sung to the tune of an OSU drinking song, and for old time’s sake the old Cowtown song was sung as well. It was an endless circle with lots of funny stories.

Hash Trash

02/20/16 #032 Renegade Beer Fest Trail

The 32nd edition of the Renegade Hash House Harriers Columbus, hared by Dangerous Dismount and Battery Operated Boyfriend, began on a beautiful warm winter day out in the countryside of Johnstown. The locals were blessed with hashers from nearby Dayton H3: Jimmy Buffet and the Shit Stained Penis, Deep Swallows, Fido, Beamer (Bitch Moan Whine), and Goes Down on the Tip.

The trail started out with extremely soggy ground and lots and lots of mud. At the first BN we were graced with excellent stories on how our visitors earned their names. Shrimp was part of the story; but that’s all we will say. After all the beer was gone, we were off to the next BN.

The trail took us to our next BN stop which happened to be a horse farm, where the only swallows in the barn was Deep Swallows, who got to pet his first horse. The barn had many horses to keep us occupied while we were drinking the cold beverages. The boys decided to leave their mark in the horse stall. Some had never been in a horse barn, let alone had the opportunity to urinate in a stall (since every guy is hung like a horse, right??) They can now scratch that off their bucket list!!

To get to the SN stop, we crossed a muddy corn field, a small creek and headed deep into the woods. We passed a deer stand, to which two members apparently had “climb a deer stand in the middle of the woods”, on their bucket list. That is now scratched off the list, along with a full “moon” trail, to put it nicely.

The SN stop had a bottle of Fire Ball, in a camouflage flask; so fitting for our environment. The Fire Ball didn’t stand a chance with this group!! We also got to see a “show” with a squirrel and his nuts. Quite entertaining!!

We took off again looking for our 3rd BN stop. After running back thru the woods, B.O.B. was waiting for us with sleds and more beers. Even though there was no more snow left on the ground, the hill had plenty of wet leaves. A few half minds took to the hill and went flying down the on the saucer. After all the thrill seeking was done,we headed out of the woods. We traipsed thru another muddy cornfield back to the On-In.

Serialbater was the RA for the day, since our usual RA had other things to do that day (and should drink for it later). After the circle was done, we had excellent food provided by B.O.B. Thanks BOB!!

After dinner, the Renegade Beer Fest began. We sampled many types of beer and lots of shenanigans were the air that night. I would say we got to see A LOT of the Dayton << DELETED BY FACEBOOK>> that night, and us girls really appreciated that.

The shitty trail was over and the Beer Fest was a success, and all in attendance felt sorry for the other hashers who missed it. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Godspeed your further trails,
Dangerous Dismount

Hash Trash

01/23/16 #029 Itchy Lady Trail

The Renegades started trail #29 at Dick’s Last Resort with 15 half minds on January 23rd, 2016. We welcomed Pumps Till It Burns from Dayton, I Like It Small from Madras India, and Swizzle Sticks Before Chicks from Indiana.

After lunch and libations the ‘shitty’ trail was off to a cold start. The trail weaved around downtown and stopped at the Arena District where our hares Itchy Bitsy and Lady Humps A Lot had a very yummy “peppermint” flavored hot cocoa.

After warming us up a bit, they had a wonderful surprise for us: we were going ice skating. Off we went for an adventure! We had a few falls but thankfully no breaks or serious mishaps.

After skating a while, we warmed up by the fire and sang some songs… ‘hasher’ style.

We continued our pilgrimage thru downtown and eventually landed on the top floor of a parking garage for the BN stop and some orange food.

After re-fueling we found our way down stairs and to the monument that marks the “Center of Known Civilization Franklin County” where we downed a bottle of Honey Whiskey; once again warming us up.

We continued through the Arena District for our on-in only to find that the bar didn’t want our business and was closed. We persevered, as hashers do, and ended up at the Park Street Tavern for the on-in. Of course there was lots of fun, beer drinking and singing to be had.
One of our out of town visitors (Swizzle Sticks Before Chicks) had just way too much fun and slept with the porcelain God for a few hours. Luckily, never making Battery Operated Boyfriend regret lending a helping hand (and sleeping space) for him to crash the night.
Hats off to our hares for an shitty excellent trail.

Your scribe,
Dangerous Dismount

Hash Trash

12/19/15 #027 Renegade’s Christmas Event

On Saturday December 19th, 2015 16 hashers showed up for the debauchery starting out with the tasting of 15 beers. What a way to warm up your insides as the temperature outside was 25 degrees.

The group was bundled up and fired up to start this shitty trail that was set by hares Serialbater and Dangerous Dismount.

1st stop: A BN stop that was filled with cold beer and Christmas Carols…Hash Style. We lost Moon Over My Truckie and NFHN Fujio after a false trail strayed too close to the on-start deciding “No trail, just more beer for them”.

2nd stop: A SN stop with some Grape Pucker hidden by the previously borrowed stone pig!

3rd stop: A BN stop with a gorgeous view of the Scioto River. But too cold to swim, so Lady Humps A Lot decided if we weren’t going to swim she was heading home (and she did so in the hare car.)

4th stop: A BN stop in a cozy spot before having to climb up a rocky cliff. But, before that happened, we all got to see Working Member climb and then straddle a tree. Could he have been trying to hide his own “wood”?

The group proceeded to go thru fields, hills and a lot of bramble before being atop a huge hill. Immaculate Projection, Knitta Please, and Dum bAss decided that rolling down this hill was not for the faint of heart and decided to give it a try. Can you say “beer shake in the belly”?

Soon the hares left a trail shitty enough for the group to find their way back to the on-in. But not before Itchy Bitsy, Dum bAss and Working Member were able to come up with some great finds of some pumpkins. I think they were going to do sinister things to them later, but no pictures were taken to prove such a thing.

The on-in circle was conducted by the RA, Immaculate Projection, where a lot of punishment by beer drinking was performed.

During the on-in, two of our nameless hashers were inducted into the hashing world where they received some very fitting names: NFHN Fujio became “Ultraman” and Virginish Cecilia became “Battery Operated Boyfriend”. Just ask them why they deserved those names!!

All the hashers ate in style with food prepared by Beave It To Cleavage, BOB and DD and by everyone else who contributed to the buffet. AND we can’t forget the incredibly delicious (and fattening) Egg-nog; that was to die for. Dangerous Dismount thought she died and went to heaven after drinking numerous glasses. Leggo My Preggo and Priority Male joined the party post-circle.

The debauchery continued during the unusual reading of the “White Elephant Gift Exchange Poem”. And the gifts were unusual and some just can’t be put into print…right Priority Male & Itchy Bitsy?

Your faithful scribe,

Dangerous Dismount

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