We use the term loosely, because we are all really here just to run have a good time. But since we need someone to blame when shit goes wrong, here’s a list of contacts for your reading pleasure. They will forever be in these positions because they volunteered once you are signed up for that shit it’s yours for life:
Co-GM and Leader of the Shitshow: Cockpit. The self-proclaimed leader of this shit show (because GMs are lazy fucks and do NOTHING!). Complain to this guy about the fact we drink too much, or trail was too long, or someone offended you. He has been well trained in the Renegade Hash attitude and will ever politely respond, “Um do not give a fuckstick, where’s my beer?” The only thing he cares about is if our hareline is full and that we get a Friday trail in occasionally. So guess what, YOU care so TAG you’re it! So if you wanna hare a trail, call this guy!
Co-GM, Web Mattress, and Master of Our Universe: Itchy Bitsy (Renegade). aww… so cute, and sweet and new and like all things we touch, we deflowered him. We named him, because we liked him and wanted him to keep coming back. We liked him so much, we put him in charge of everything. He is that THE guy. The one that is so new, he still cares. The one who keeps the interwebs updated so you know where we will be meeting to drink run trail. The one you can count on to actually run this shit show while the rest of us engage in athletic activity debauchery. And he was SOOOOO responsible, we made him Co-GM of this beautiful disaster… Thank GOD Gispert we have ONE of those guys! Just remember, LIFE is a LONG time youngin’ 🙂 YOU ARE OURS! Don’t think you are gonna Filthy Whore your way out of this shit show! muhahahahaaha! (Itchy note: see what happens when you give other people the website password?)
RA and Master of Circle: Immaculate Projection (C2H5OH). Religious Adviser, and who we blame for the weather or anything else that goes wrong. She’s loud AND She can run a badass circle. Watch out if she drinks too much. Wonder how she got that name? It has nothing to do with the Virgin Mary. Just ask the 10,000 dead fish that met her wrath. We will leave the rest to your imagination.
Hash Cash: Nice Try. Well once upon a DECOC, Nice Try was a Dayton rebel. Then, one day, she made her way to Columbus. She fell in love with the Renegade Spirit and has stuck with us ever since! Even though she has a knack for glorious rebellion, she can also slay an excel spreadsheet faster than any accounting whore in the state of Ohio. She tracks ALLLLL of the things to the Nano decimal and soooo a hash cash was born. Keep adding those numbers chicka! You rock this job!
Habby: Can’t Feel It. And once upon a mug design, a hash haberdasher was created. You see, in Renegade, if you volunteer to help with something, we will give you ALL of the something so we can spend our time drinking beer. ALL of the something was handed to Can’t Feel It who was voluntold to do this job ????. So keep putting your hands up in the air like you are being suspended in crucifix pose and we will take that as a hell yessss you are one of us…. BAM.. Here’s a job! Make some clothes for Lady, design our patches, make our life full of amazing hab!
The Big Kahuna, and Founder of C2H5OH: Black Watch. For through him all things hash-related in Columbus, OH were made possible. Our goal is to maintain your established traditions at a level that makes this big daddy proud. Thank you for founding hashing in this wonderful city and the many years of shitty trail. We will keep the traditions alive, fella and honor you with a yearly trail and celebration. PARTY! Thought you could escape us? NOT. We know where to find you!
Co-Founder: Burning Bubbles (C2H5OH/PGH3). AKA Peezy Rider, Scooby Snack, Squirts in Circles and finally Filthy Whore. The list of hash names says it all folks. She either has 5 personalities or she has spent a LOT of time doing crazy shit. Why we love this girl! Why did she have to leave us again? DAMN Filthy Whoring in PA. Just kidding. JEEZ. Don’t go all redneck.
Co-Founder: Serialbater (Kobe H3). <–///-. Yeah, he is THAT guy…On-on for life. To know him is to either A) Love him B) Wanna choke the shit out of him C) Wonder if he is EVER sober D) All of the above. Pick D. All good hashers love the D. It’s because of his antics we have the term “Bater Drunk” to describe a state very few could ever hope to obtain. We love you SB and thank you for all of the work you do to keep us together.
Co-Founder: Lady Humps A Lot (C2H5OH). AKA hash mom. You know, the one who is always giving advice but doesn’t seem to follow it? Specializes in smoking, drinking, and breaking herself at hash events. Oh, and being topless. No wonder hashers don’t know her with her shirt on. JEEEZ Lady. How do you function in the real world??
THE FAB FIVE: Some of the original members of our CAST and CREW that helped get this shit show going and keep coming back trail after trail for your entertainment: Moon Over My Truckie, Working Member, Lick Her Aguan, Beave it to Cleavage and Meats in the Parking Lot.
EVERYONE ELSE: True to Renegade spirit, everyone who hashes with us in good faith has a seat at the table. All opinions are welcome and encouraged, although we will forget everything upon sobering up.
Thank you for believing in and keeping the spirit of hashing alive in our great city! Happy Trails Bitches! –///—> ON-ON!