Month: November 2016

Continuing with the theme of our trails being #2, LEGGO MY PREGGO and SERIALBATER decided to hare a trail in honor of the second meeting of Nebraska and Ohio State in the Shoe. How did it go, you ask?

It really didn’t get better from there. We migrated toward campus and met hashers in circle that weren’t on trail and lost hashers on trail that weren’t in circle. Win win? Sure, why not.

So there we were, sitting at our customary day #2 (as in shitty) on the WORLD FAMOUS FIVE-DAY HASHOWEEN CRAWL (I’m trademarking that btw). The hare actually thought (for once) about our northern brethren and held the crawl on the north side of town to make it easier for the arrivals. And arrive we all did, in costumed glory.

We noshed on catered Chipotle and more importantly beer, then set out on a pub crawl. Eerie pub crawls are a million miles long. Renegade pub crawls have the first stop in the parking lot of a major bank’s regional HQ. See, we do it right…a car was costumed as a bar for Halloween…yeah, that’s the story. Fuck you, lesser pub crawls!

On to a bro bar where I’m not sure we were welcome but fuck it, money spends. We didn’t linger, but hydration is important for the long haul.

Off to some place I can’t remember, other than picking up some already drunk gentlemen. Some were ready to go along for the ride and have a blast. I just remember New York dude for his accent and general willingness to just jump in to the middle of our shitshow and go along for the ride.

So then off to a mega bar, with New York in tow. Karaoke was involved, so leave it to hashers to rush the stage. Also leave it to hashers to discover back alleys and hidden passages or whatever between bars when they’re tired of karaoke (they were probably well marked hallways, but beer was involved…) Anyway, some of us wormed our way into closed sections of restaurants, and then further into a bar with a mechanical bull. It was mysteriously out of service that night. The real trail allegedly went outside and back towards the On-In, but those who were there know the real trail went through many more interesting places

I can’t remember if this was taken on trail but it’s a decent representation:

Waaaaaaaaay back at Nash Hash, DANCING FOOL promised us he’d stop by sometime and set a trail in our honor. Being the drunken idiots we are, those words were remembered in a fuzzy and “hey wouldn’t that be cool” kind of way. So there we were, after the prophecies came true, with the man himself.

SERIALBATER brought the offspring and some trash bags so we could do a half assed job at picking up a thing along the trail, and so off we went. Trail led across the road to a beer near in the Kroger parking lot, thereby lulling us into a false sense of security. Could this be another Renegade-style “one beer near per mile” style trail…?

Nooooooooooooope to the nope. We just didn’t know that yet. So on we soldiered, through bits of scrub and brush, picking up trash along the way. Note to self: that jug is filled with piss. No matter what jug, it’s filled with piss…???? After a bit our visitor, whose name I can’t be arsed to remember after a month and a shitload of beer, had to leave with MOON OVER MY TRUCKIE to get to the airport. As it would turn out, they were the smartest of the bunch.

Trail led behind shopping centers and through parking lots and generally meandered back to a culvert under Broad Street, over to a creek. Oh yay, real shiggy! Through the woods and a little water (who cares if the water wasn’t really on trail) and back to the bar we started at. Oh yay! On-in!

Nooooooooooooope. Our On-Start was also another beer near. You shifty little shit. By the point, the little ones were in no shape to continue trail, so the pack dwindled further. After quenching our thirst, trail continued…how hard could it be?

Whoops. Those that were there know, after that beer near the hare must have hulked out or something, because things went downhill fast. Right back into Shit Creek (it has a mommy given name, but no longer) and sure, why not, let’s stay in the water for a long ass time. At least we found this historical monument, hidden from public view for some weird reason.

Oh, we were bitching about water? How about the god damned brambles on the other side of the road, which your author totally doesn’t still have stuck up his ass a month after trail. How about that, mister hare? And why not, just for good measure, make it fucking rain on us.

So the herd had been culled and the true hashers persevered to on-in, most graciously hosted by a friend of the hare. Only then did we learn the guy was the seventh Brutus Buckeye! We were having circle with royalty! Many thanks to DANCING FOOL and Brutus emeritus for the trail and hospitality…it was shitty and awesome, respectively.

On-on, you wankasses
ITCHY

*wakes up*
*here are your hares*

Soooo, we thought we’d invade Dayton and hare a trail for them. Buck Creek sounded like a good place, being closer to them than halfway and all. Little did we know the place is already used to our type.

Trail started without molestation and I suppose went as scheduled. Honestly, here I am writing this shit as a hare that was miles down the road. Then it went some more ways to a beer near in the woods near a closed marina. After that I guess the pack got lost (or said fuck it, either one) and meandered toward the base of the dam to a shot near that most people missed. There were several complaints about this section. As always, blame Bater. He laid that part.

A lot of people ended up on the road and I honestly have no idea what happened for a few minutes. At this point every hare that laid anything including a pussy was a goddamn asshole in my mind…and yet there they were, making stuff happen. Damn you hashers, you persevere.

After the somewhat missed beer near in the woods, there was the shot near (we Renegade folks like alcohol, ok?) that was stolen by the runners. Oh yeah, there might have been a YBF in there. And the bit on the railroad tracks…sorry not sorry.

At least the pudding shots reappeared at the on-in. Speaking of the on-in,

We had circle, gifts and down-downs were awarded, and generally shit happened. Perhaps this can be an annual thing, eh Dayton?