My Girlfriend Is A Vegetable

My girlfriend is a vegetable,
She lives in a hospital.
But I would do anything,
To keep my girl alive-oh.

She’s got no arms or legs,
Just a set of wooden pegs.
But I would do anything,
To keep my girl alive-oh.

She’s got an STD,
I don’t think it came from me.

She had a DNR,
Fucked it and threw it in my car.

She has a toothless grin,
When I wipe it on her chin.

She’s got her own TV,
it’s called an ECG.

Just last week for a joke,
I pulled her plug and watched her choke.

She’s really pissed with me,
‘Cos I crushed her colostomy.

I used to love to watch her strip
Now she lives on IV drip

She can’t scream and she can’t sigh
But I still fuck her all the time

She has a broken leg…
So we’ll let her guard the Keg.

If her ankle’s broke in two
let’s just melt her down for glue..

She has no arms or legs,
She looks like a pony keg.

My girl has long blond hair,
It’s in patches here and there.

I’m always guaranteed a blow,
Because she can’t say no.

Her EKG does not rise,
But she still spreads her thighs.

She can’t get out of bed,
Still she can give me head.

She has no feet or hands,
Her head’s connected with rubber bands.

She might not live the night,
That means she won’t fight.

My girl lives in an iron lung,
But she can still give real good tongue.

My girl has leprosy,
Parts always land on top of me.

She had an episiotomy,
That’s a bigger hole for me.

She can not hear, she can not see,
But she’s got an oral cavity.

She has a tracheotomy
There’s another hole for me