Songs

Chorus
My girlfriend is a vegetable,
She lives in a hospital.
But I would do anything,
To keep my girl alive-oh.

She’s got no arms or legs,
Just a set of wooden pegs.
But I would do anything,
To keep my girl alive-oh.

She’s got an STD,
I don’t think it came from me.

She had a DNR,
Fucked it and threw it in my car.

She has a toothless grin,
When I wipe it on her chin.

She’s got her own TV,
it’s called an ECG.

Just last week for a joke,
I pulled her plug and watched her choke.

She’s really pissed with me,
‘Cos I crushed her colostomy.

I used to love to watch her strip
Now she lives on IV drip

She can’t scream and she can’t sigh
But I still fuck her all the time

She has a broken leg…
So we’ll let her guard the Keg.

If her ankle’s broke in two
let’s just melt her down for glue..

She has no arms or legs,
She looks like a pony keg.

My girl has long blond hair,
It’s in patches here and there.

I’m always guaranteed a blow,
Because she can’t say no.

Her EKG does not rise,
But she still spreads her thighs.

She can’t get out of bed,
Still she can give me head.

She has no feet or hands,
Her head’s connected with rubber bands.

She might not live the night,
That means she won’t fight.

My girl lives in an iron lung,
But she can still give real good tongue.

My girl has leprosy,
Parts always land on top of me.

She had an episiotomy,
That’s a bigger hole for me.

She can not hear, she can not see,
But she’s got an oral cavity.

She has a tracheotomy
There’s another hole for me

Down-Down Songs

Most of these end with the line
‘Drink it down down down down…’
…until the accused has either finished or is wearing their beverage. If it is determined said down-down has taken too long the circle will launch into;
Why are we waiting?
We could be masturbating, (fornicating, rollerblading, etc on future verses)
Oh why are we waiting,
So fucking long?

*

[for the times people try and re-sing a song or forget their lyrics]
Ziggy zoggy, Ziggy zoggy, oi oi oi (the person who failed does a down down while this is chanted)
Ziggy zoggy, Ziggy zoggy, oi oi oi
(it can be continued if needed)
Motorcycle, motorcycle, vroom vroom vroom
Motor boat motor boat, brr brr brr

*

[Mickey Mouse]
S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L
Shitty trail (it sucked!),
Shitty trail (it blew!),
The motherfuckers laid a shitty trail,
I would rather fuck your mom than hash a shitty trail,
S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L

*

[For serenading virgins for their first down down]
High above the virgin’s garter,
High above their knees,
Lies the secret of their honor,
Their virginity,
Roll them over, [start turning the virgins around]
Oh so slowly,
Softly in the grass, [stop turning]
That is why we live and die,
For a piece of virgin ass [moon the virgins]

*

Balls to Mr. Bengelstein, Bengelstein, Bengelstein,
Balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man.
He sits on the steeple and shits on the people,
So, balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man.
He keeps us all waiting while he’s masturbating,
So, balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man.
He ups and he downs them, he right well fucking pounds them,
So, balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man,
[this is where you do the down down]So drink motherfucker, drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker, drink,
Balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man.

*

[Flintstones]
Hashers, meet the hashers,
We’re the biggest drunks in history,
From the town of ________,
We’re the leaders in debauchery,
Half-minds, trailing shiggy through the years,
Watch us as we down a lot of beers.
Down down, down down down down,

*

[My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean]
He ought to publicly pissed upon,
He ought to be publicly shot (Bang! Bang!),
He out to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot!

*

Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,
For cunt, for cunt, for country and for queen,
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be!

*

The name of the game is twenty toes,
It’s played around the town,
The girls all play with ten toes up,
The boys play ten toes…
Down down down down…

*

[William Tell Overture]
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

*

Why was she born so beautiful?
Why was she born at all?
She’s no fucking use to anyone,
She’s no fucking use at all.
She’s may be a joy to her mother,
But she’s a pain in the asshole to me! (Moon the person in the middle of circle)

*

You’re stupid, you’re stupid,
You’re really fucking dumb,
If it wasn’t for your mother,
You’d be a spot of cum!

*

Heres to the hashers, they’re true blue,
They are hashers through and through,
They are piss-pots so they say,
They tried to go to heaven but they went the other way!

*

[CCR – Lookin’ Out My Back Door]
Just got out of prison,
My asshole’s still a-fizzin’
Thinkin’ about the friends I left behind in cell block 4,
They raped me in the showers,
It must have been for hours,
Now goo goo goo’s comin’ out my back door!

*

Where oh where were you last night,
Why did you make us hash all alone,
You fat lazy bastard,
You weren’t even here,
So we drank all the virgins,
And fucked all the beer.

*

[happy birthday]
Hashy birthday, fuck you,
Hashy birthday, fuck you,
Hashy birthday, fuck you,
Hashy birthday, fuck you.

*

Would you like my finger in your ear?
Likely, not fucking likely,
not fucking likely, not fucking likely.
Would you like my finger in your beer?
Likely, not fucking likely,
not fucking likely, not fucking likely.
Would you like my finger in your rear?
NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!

*

[The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You]
Hot vagina for your breakfast,
Hot vagina for your lunch,
Hot vagina for your dinner,
Just munch, munch, munch, munch, munch.
It’s so speedy and nutritious,
Bite-size and ready to eat,
So take a tip, go eat some clit;
Hot vagina can’t be beat.

*

[The Addam’s Family]
Their drinking is compulsive
Their running is convulsive
They’re morally repulsive
The Hash House Harriers
(do the na na nah and snaps)
Their flatulence is rude and
Their genitals protrude when
They’re running in the nude oh
Those Hash House Harriers
They’re always shiggy tracking
From constantly bushwhacking
Intelligence they’re lacking
The Hash House Harriers!

*

Put it in your hand Mrs. Murphy
It only weight a quarter of a pound
It’s got hair on its neck like a turkey
And it spits when you jerk it up and down down down…

*

She like it in the kitchen
She like it in the kitchen
She like it in the kitchen
Kitchen’s code for butt

*

Whip it out at the ballgame
Wave it round at the crowd
Dip it in peanuts and crackerjacks
I don’t care if you give it a whack
‘Cos it’s beat your meat at the ballgame
If you don’t come it’s a shame
For it’s one, two, you’re covered in goo
At the old ball game!

*

[My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean]
Bullshit, bullshit,
It all sounds like bullshit to me, to me,
Bullshit, bullshit,
It all sounds like bullshit to me!

*

He’s the meanest,
He sucks the horse’s penis,
He’s the meanest,
He’s the horse’s ass, (Hey)
Ever since he found it, (Hey)
All he does is pound it, (Hey)
He’s the meanest,
He’s the horse’s ass.

*

My name is Jack (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I’m a necrophiliac (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I fuck dead women (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
Fill ’em full of jism (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I get frustrate (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
When their cremated (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
‘Cause try as I must (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I CAN’T FUCK DUST

My name is Gus
I’m incestuous
I fucked my mother
And buggered my brother
But when they die
I will not cry
Cuz just like Jack
I’M A NECROPHILIAC

*

[Do, Re, Mi (Sound of Music) ]
Dos, a beer, a Mexican beer,
Ray, the guy who buys me beer, (Thanks Ray!),
Me, the guy, he buys beer for,
Far, a long-long way to run,
So, I think I’ve have a beer!
La, la la la la la la,
Tea, no thanks I’ll have a beer,
And that brings us back to Dos, dos, dos, dos…

*

[Row, Row, Row Your Boat]
Down Down Down your beer,
To pay for your crime.
Quit complaining about the taste,
There’s no cum this time.

*

Put your right leg over my shoulder,
Put your left leg over my shoulder,
(smothered humming)

*

My one skin hangs down to my two skin,
My two skin hangs down to my three,
My three skin hangs down to my foreskin,
My foreskin hangs down to my knee,
Roll back, Roll back,
Roll back that foreskin for me, (for me)
Roll back, Roll back,
Roll back that foreskin for me.

*

Love me tender, Love me sweet,
Wrap your lips around my meat,
Watch me smile, Watch me grin,
As the cum rolls down down down…

*

[Auld Lang Syne]
More beer, more beer, more beer, more beer,
More beer, more beer, more beer! (MORE BEER!)
More beer, more beer, more beer, more beer,
More beer, more beer, more beer! (MORE BEER!)

*

Pissanya, Pissanya, Pissanya,
In Russian it means “I love you,”
If I had my way I’d pissanya all day,
Pissanya, Pissanya, Pissanya.

Shittanya, Shittanya, Shittanya,
In Russian it means “I adore you,”
If I had my way I’d shittanya all day,
Shittanya, shittanya, shittanya.

Cummanya, Cummanya, Cummanya,
In Russian it means “I need you,”
If I had my way, I’d Cummanya all day,
Cummanya, Cummanya, Cummanya.

*

Hymm, Hymm,
Fuck Him!

*

If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn her over,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn her over,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, that’s her asshole not her clit,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn her over,

If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s a homo,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s a homo,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s definitely packing it,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s a homo,

*

[Ten Green Bottles]
Ten stick of dynamite hanging on the wall,
Ten sticks of dynamite hanging on the wall,
And if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall,
THERE’D BE NO MORE FUCKING DYNAMITE AND NO MORE FUCKING WALL!

*

This is your Down-Down song,
It isn’t very long…

*

Drink it down, you Zulu warrior,
Drink it down, you Zulu chief, chief, chief, chief
Zumba Zumba Zumba Zumba Zumba Zumba Zumba hey! (the drinker does the down down during the zumbas)

*

Chorus
Free beer for all the hashers,
Free beer for all the hashers,
Free beer for all the hashers,
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.

Jesus can’t go hashing cause he’s stuck behind a rock 3x
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.

Jesus CAN go hashing ’cause ______ moved the rock,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he turns the beer to wine,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause the shiggys on his head,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause the Jew won’t pay seven bucks,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his dad knows all the trails,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s mowing my front lawn,
Jesus won’t come hashing because Judas pissed him off,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he runs like this, (hop in a crucifix pose)
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause the flour falls through his hands,
Jesus don’t need flour ’cause he lays the trail in blood,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he only has 12 friends,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his wood is just too big,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s hung like this, (arms extended)
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he only has 12 friends,
Mary was a virgin, yeah we’ve heard that one before, Mary saves…,
Mohammad can’t go hashing ’cause he’s planning a jihad, Mohammad saves…,
Mohammad can’t go hashing ’cause he blows up all the trails,
Buddha can’t go hashing ’cause he’s just too fucking fat, Buddha saves…,

To end the song
Jesus we’re only kidding…

Sung to the tune When Jonny Comes Marching Home.

I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
She said hey hasher, you wanna lay

Refrain:
Get in, Get out, quit fuckin’ about
ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.

I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe,
she said hey hasher you’re way to low.

I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee,
she said hey hasher you’re kiddin’ me

I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh,
she said hey hasher you’re way to shy

I put my hand upon her leg
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her leg
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her leg,
she said hey hasher don’t make me beg

I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya ho
I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya ho
I put my hand upon her tit
she said, “hey hasher, you’re getting it”

I put my finger right about here
ya ho, ya ho
I put my finger right about here
ya ho, ya ho
I put my finger right about here
she said hey hasher are fucking queer?

I put my hand upon her ass
yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her ass
yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her ass
she said “hey hasher you’re there at last”

I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat,
she said hey hasher you hit the spot

I put my dick into her mouth
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm…
I put my dick into her mouth
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm…
I put my dick into her mouth,
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm…

I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box,
from havin’ too many hasher’s cocks

I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then,
I fucked her once, I’ll fuck her again!

Now these few hashers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few hashers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few hashers they went to hell,
they fucked the devil’s wives as well

Leader: Today is Monday!
All: Today is Monday!
Leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
All: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)

CHORUS:
Leader: is everybody happy?
All: You bet your ass we are!
All: (raise cups over heads and make one complete turn while humming)
Do-doddle, doot-doot, doot-doot, doot-doo.
Do-doddle, doot-doot, doot-doot, doot-doo.

Leader: Today is Tuesday!
All: Today is Tuesday!
Leader: Tuesday is a blow job day! (blow job motion)
All: Tuesday is a blow job day! (blow job motion)
Leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
All: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)

Chorus

(now that you’ve got the idea, here are the rest of the days)

Wednesday is a cunnilingus day! (stick tongue between two fingers)
Thursday is a drinking day! Thank God for Thursday! (raise glass in salute)
Friday is a fucking day! (humping motions, cheering, happiness)
Saturday is a hashing day! (running motions, cheering, happiness)
Sunday is a day of rest and relaxation. FUCK SUNDAY! Cause…

The mayor of Bayswater,
He had a pretty daughter,
And the hairs on her dicky-di-do,
Hang down to her knees.

One black one, one white one,
And one with a bit of shite on,
And one with a little light on,
To show us the way.

And the hairs (and the hairs!),
And the hairs (and the hairs!),
And the hairs on her dicky-di-do,
Hang down to her knees.

I’ve smelt it, I’ve felt it,
It’s just like a piece of velvet,
And the hairs on her dicky-di-do,
Hang down to her knees.
And the hairs (and the hairs!)…

I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it,
I’ve lain right in between it,

She came from Glamorgan,
With a cunt like a barrel organ,

She slept with a demon,
Who washed her with semen,

If she were my daughter,
I’d have them cut shorter,

She lived on a mountain,
And pissed like a bloody fountain,

She married an Italian,
With balls like a fucking stallion,

She divorced the Italian,
And married the stallion,

She married a Spaniard,
With a prick like a bloody lanyard,

She went with a Hash House Harrier,
Who fucked her but wouldn’t marry her,

I’ve stroked them, I’ve poked them,
Even rolled up and smoked them,

You need a coal miner,
To find her vagina,

She’s not a great looker,
But everyone took ‘er ,

I’ve touched it, I’ve licked it,
It tastes just like brisket,

She lived by the waterfront,
With the waves lapping up and down her cunt,

I folded her lips back,
And there found a six-pack,

It was always hit-or-miss,
Whether I could find her clitoris,

I reached into her thing,
And there found my class ring,

She says that she’s not a whore,
But she bangs like a shithouse door,

The aroma it lingers,
It smells like fish fingers,

She stayed in Seattle,
And went down on cattle,

It’d take a brontosaurus,
To eat her clitoris,

It’d take a bloody wrecker,
To extract your pecker,

Her love thought he’d seduced her,
But turned out he’d only goosed her,

On her first trip through Melbourne,
She strangled her firstborn,

It’s like going through a forest,
To find her clitoris,

She lives on a cattle ranch,
And shits like a bloody avalanche,

On a trip through Vladivostok,
She sampled a bit of horsecock,

I flicked it, I licked it,
I even drop kicked it,

Si Si Signora

Aye-yi-yi-yi
Si, si Signora,
My sister Belinda she pissed out the window,
And filled up my brand new sombrero.

I like my gin, it helps me get in,
But I like the vino,
The vino is supremo-oh-oh-oh.

Aye-yi-yi-yi…

I like the whiskey, it helps me feel frisky…
I like my brandy, it makes me feel randy…
I like my stout, it helps me get out…
I like my rum, it helps me to cum…
I like my coke-a, it helps me to poke-a…
I like my beer, it makes me feel queer…
I like my wine, it makes my knob shine…
I like my claret, it stiffens the carrot…
I like the sherry, it makes my balls hairy…
I like my liquor, it makes me cum quicker…
I like Malört, it helps me cavort…
I like my gin, it helps me get it in…
I like my cider, it helps me get in side her…

Chicago

I used to work in Chicago, in a department store.
I used to work in Chicago, I don’t work there anymore.

A woman came in for a computer (a computer from the store)
A computer she wanted; ram she got, I don’t work there anymore.

A woman came in for some coffee (some coffee from the store)
Some coffee she wanted; flick of the bean she got, I don’t work there anymore

A woman came in for a:
doughnut – glazed she wanted. cream filled she got
elevator – my shaft
carpet – laid
spring – BOINGed
screwdriver – screwed
hammer – nailed
T-bone – tube steak
carpet – pile
berber – shag
gun – banged
nylons – hose
floppy disk – my hard drive
metaphysical conversation – fucked
a fucking – metaphysical conversation
velvet – felt
liquor – lick her I did
bolts – my nuts
sailors – semen
ham – porked
plastic – rubbers
plumbing – my pipe
pipe – hose
stockings – hose
liquid plumber – pipes cleaned
canned ham – porked
gift wrapping – packed
butter – spread
seafood/lobster – crabs
fabric – felt
balloon – blown
doughnut – my hole
lollipop – sucked
horse – ridden
flag – my pole
wheels – rimmed
beer – Busch
beer – a six pack she wanted, ate she got
puppy – my pussy
bowling ball – picked up, fingered and thrown in the gutter she got
a hard drive – his floppy

Head? Who Said Head?

Used whenever the word “head” is uttered, a true Renegade favorite

Head? Who said head?
I’ll take some of that
And I did, and it was good
And there was much rejoicing!
And then we fucked. We fucked for hours
Uprooting trees and shrubs and flowers
We fucked like Vikings
With horns on our head…

Head? Who said head?
I’ll take some of that

And then she fingered my asshole *shudder*
It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t funny, it was dangerous!
So I took my dog, my football, and my TV and I went home
So fuck you, you fucking fucks!

The S&M Man

CHORUS:
It’s the S&M man,
The S&M man,
The S&M man because he mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good.
The hurt feel good.

Who will run through shiggy, (Who will run through shiggy)
Ripping up his flesh, (Ripping up his flesh)
And turn right around,
And repeat the bloody mess?
CHORUS…

Who can take a hammer,
Shove it up her twat,
Move it back and forth,
Til he finds her G-spot?

Who can take a hammer,
Wave it overhead,
And slam it on his pecker,
Til he wishes he were dead?

Who can take his bicycle,
Take away the seat,
Put his girlfriend on it,
Ride her down a bumpy street?

Who can take some sandpaper,
Gotta be 50 grit,
Rub it back and forth,
Til she has a bleeding clit?

Who can take a old wood saw,
Rusty, but still cuts,
Saw it back and forth,
Til he cuts off both his nuts?

Who can take his willy,
Slam it in a door,
Slam it back and forth,
Til he can’t pee anymore?

Who can take a chainsaw,
Rev it up on high,
Shove it up her arse,
Just to hear her scream and sigh?

Who can take a razor,
And no shaving cream,
Scrape her pussy bald,
While he listens to her scream?

Who can take a sander,
Make sure it’s Black and Decker,
Rub it up and down,
Until you’ve got a bleeding pecker?

Who can take a mallet,
Claim that he’s a stud,
Smash it on his pecker,
Till it starts to ooze some blood?

Who can take a young girl,
Turn the lights down low,
Flip on the video camera,
And make like he’s Rob Lowe?

Who would use machinery,
To masturbate at work,
Rip off his left testis,
And pretend it didn’t hurt?

Who can take some fiberglass,
Wrap it round his pud,
Shove it up her arse,
Til she’s shitting chunks of blood?

Who can take a light bulb,
Shove it up her arse,
Fuck her up the rear,
Til she’s shitting chunks of glass?

Who can take just two bricks,
Take one in each hand,
Bang them on his balls,
Like the cymbals in the band?

Who wears pants with zippers,
And no underwear,
Then pulls them up and down,
And rips out his pubic hair?

Who can take a bottle,
Shove it up your ass,
And hit it with a hammer,
And line your ass with glass?

Who can take your scrotum,
Stick it with a pin,
Hang on a bunch of weights,
Till it drags down to your shins?

Who can take a chainsaw,
Cut the bitch in two,
Fuck the bottom half,
And toss the other half to you?

Who can take your penis,
Feed it to a whore,
Then slam it in a door,
So you can’t fuck no more?

Who would take a condom,
Put pepper in the ring,
Use it on the wife,
‘Cause she twitches when it stings?

Who can take your penis,
Tie it in a knot,
Tighter ever tighter,
Until the fucker rots?

Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride her like a Harley,
While he fucks her up the rear?

Who takes jumper cables,
Clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car,
And electrocutes the bitch?

Who would take your kiddies,
Out to a picnic binge,
Put them on the fire,
And watch the fuckers singe?

Who would put a kid’s hand,
In a socket on the wall,
It’s nice when they jerk,
Up against his balls?

Who gives children candy,
Takes them round the block,
And rips up their innards,
With the ramming of his cock?

Who can take a chainsaw,
Stick it up her hole,
Turn it round & round,
And make tuna casserole?

Who can take some clothes pegs,
Hang his girlfriend by her nipples,
Leave the bitch just hanging,
Til her tits are nearly tripled?

Who can take a Doberman,
Let him do a show,
Let him fuck your girlfriend,
While he takes a video?

Who can take a hair curler,
Turn it up on high,
Stick it in her cunt,
And listed to her fry?

Who can take his penis,
Put it in a door,
Slam it real hard,
And scream MORE MORE MORE?

Who can find some newlyweds,
Sneak into their room,
Fuck the bride in bed,
And sodomize the groom?

Who can take a glass rod,
Shove it up his prick,
Put it on the table,
And smash it with a brick?

Who can take a baby,
Throw it on a pile,
And fuck it up its ass,
Shish-ka-bob style?

Who can take a nun,
Lean her over the pew,
Fuck her up the ass,
‘Till she wishes she was a Jew?

Who can take a vagina,
Suck out all the yeast,
Spit it out into some dough,
And serve bread at the hash feast?

Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears?

Who can take a vice clamp,
Clamp it on a tit,
Squeeze the sucker down,
‘Till it pops just like a zit?

Who can take a transient,
Rip out one of his eyes,
Skull fuck the bastard,
While he listens to his cries?

Who can take a Coke bottle,
Shove it up her ass,
Kidney punch the bitch,
Until she’s shitting blood and glass?

Who can take a cheese grater,
Strap it to his arm,
Fist fuck the bitch,
And make vagina parmesan?

Who can take a Catholic priest,
Bend him over the pew,
Fuck him in the ass,
‘Till he swears that he’s a Jew?

Who cuts off your gonads,
Boils ‘em in a stew,
Later that evening,
He’ll feed ‘em back to you?

Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head?

Who can take a pregnant woman,
Fuck her til she’s dead,
Leave his dick inside her,
Til the fetus gives him head?

Who can go to the abortion clinic,
Sneak around the back,
Dig through the dumpster,
Until he finds a tasty snack?

Who can go to another abortion clinic,
Go through the front door,
Stalk into the waiting room,
And suck a live one out a whore?

Who can take a little girl,
Before she’s on the rag,
Fuck her till she’s dead,
And then toss her in a bag?

Who can take a sawfish,
Ram it up yer bum,
Run it back and forth,
To make some rectal chum?