The Mayor of Bayswater’s Daughter

The mayor of Bayswater,
He had a pretty daughter,
And the hairs on her dicky-di-do,
Hang down to her knees.

One black one, one white one,
And one with a bit of shite on,
And one with a little light on,
To show us the way.

And the hairs (and the hairs!),
And the hairs (and the hairs!),
And the hairs on her dicky-di-do,
Hang down to her knees.

I’ve smelt it, I’ve felt it,
It’s just like a piece of velvet,
And the hairs on her dicky-di-do,
Hang down to her knees.
And the hairs (and the hairs!)…

I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it,
I’ve lain right in between it,

She came from Glamorgan,
With a cunt like a barrel organ,

She slept with a demon,
Who washed her with semen,

If she were my daughter,
I’d have them cut shorter,

She lived on a mountain,
And pissed like a bloody fountain,

She married an Italian,
With balls like a fucking stallion,

She divorced the Italian,
And married the stallion,

She married a Spaniard,
With a prick like a bloody lanyard,

She went with a Hash House Harrier,
Who fucked her but wouldn’t marry her,

I’ve stroked them, I’ve poked them,
Even rolled up and smoked them,

You need a coal miner,
To find her vagina,

She’s not a great looker,
But everyone took ‘er ,

I’ve touched it, I’ve licked it,
It tastes just like brisket,

She lived by the waterfront,
With the waves lapping up and down her cunt,

I folded her lips back,
And there found a six-pack,

It was always hit-or-miss,
Whether I could find her clitoris,

I reached into her thing,
And there found my class ring,

She says that she’s not a whore,
But she bangs like a shithouse door,

The aroma it lingers,
It smells like fish fingers,

She stayed in Seattle,
And went down on cattle,

It’d take a brontosaurus,
To eat her clitoris,

It’d take a bloody wrecker,
To extract your pecker,

Her love thought he’d seduced her,
But turned out he’d only goosed her,

On her first trip through Melbourne,
She strangled her firstborn,

It’s like going through a forest,
To find her clitoris,

She lives on a cattle ranch,
And shits like a bloody avalanche,

On a trip through Vladivostok,
She sampled a bit of horsecock,

I flicked it, I licked it,
I even drop kicked it,