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Since I’m posting this a month late, I will start this tale a little earlier than a normal trash. There we were.

Cockpit and I did the unimaginable and arrived half an hour early to NFHN Robin’s house for the clown car down to Hocking Hills. It turned out to be a good thing since Cockpit’s GPS is too good for Route 33 and took us down some scary scenic roads, so we got there with just enough time for a potty break, to learn of Robin’s LOVE of insects especially the cicadas, and to find a Virgin before the hares arrived. I never did get Lady’s secret to getting Serial Bater there on time, but her black magic spell must have worked since he showed up as we were getting some bottles of water and snacks out of the trunk.

We had chalk talk by the art car belonging to Dancing Fool a travel hasher from…I can’t remember but he was on his way to Pittsburgh. It was very memorable, in that it had a sign saying it isn’t abandoned, and a license plate that said ‘I Recycle’. I am sorry I didn’t think to take any pictures of it, because it was a really cool car owned by a really cool hasher that cleaned trail as we went.

We finally were on out, and followed the road for a bit. As soon as we got in the woods we promptly got lost, until we looked back a bit from the check and found trail going the opposite way we had been trying to go. After some bushwhacking, where our Virgin bemoaned her lack of machete, we found a beer near! We enjoyed a sit, a beer and a bunch of water (it was HOT that day, who the hell was the RA…oh wait).

Trail resumed and we followed the river a ways. We came to a fork, where to the right looked like a path, but was actually completely scum covered water. Lady was nice to us and didn’t make us go through it too, so we went to the left and found a real path.

After another pleasant bit of hiking, we came upon a wild Member and some boulders we had to cross, so Lady warned us keep our hands free and BVFC! Cockpit didn’t listen and slid down a boulder with a loud crack scaring us but it was only him crushing his poor vessel not his person. After climbing 110 feet up (with some breaks along the way at least for me cause those hills kicked my ass!) we made it to the top and were rewarded with a GORGEOUS view and our final hare #2.

We took a break for more water and sandwiches to get ready for the rappelling part of the rappelling hash. Working Member and Lady Humps A Lot gave us a safety demonstration, and as the good hashers we are, we let the Virgin Sacrifice herself and go first. Bater was next over, as he had also done it before. I went next and had a blast! Cockpit managed to follow me over, even though Lady almost talked him out of it by trying to help him. Our Virgin, the adrenaline junkie, went again, as did Bater. NFHN Robin decided Just the Tip was enough for her and came back up. Dancing Fool was no fool and decided to stay welllll back from the edge. Our Virgin went over a couple more times, and Bater went once more as well. I would have gone again, but climbing back up was no bueno.

Once everyone had had their fill of rappelling, snacks and some beer, it was time to head back. Going down the hill was almost as much fun as rappelling, in that a few of us decided to scooch down on our tushes as it was quite steep and we didn’t want to tumble. The hares were nice and didn’t make us bushwhack our way back, but let us take the walking path with the rickety bridge to get to the parking lot where we had circle. They ferried us the mile or so back to our cars and another SHITTY trail was done with.

-Immaculate Projection

Chorus
Free beer for all the hashers,
Free beer for all the hashers,
Free beer for all the hashers,
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.

Jesus can’t go hashing cause he’s stuck behind a rock 3x
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.

Jesus CAN go hashing ’cause ______ moved the rock,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he turns the beer to wine,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause the shiggys on his head,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause the Jew won’t pay seven bucks,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his dad knows all the trails,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s mowing my front lawn,
Jesus won’t come hashing because Judas pissed him off,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he runs like this, (hop in a crucifix pose)
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause the flour falls through his hands,
Jesus don’t need flour ’cause he lays the trail in blood,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he only has 12 friends,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his wood is just too big,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s hung like this, (arms extended)
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he only has 12 friends,
Mary was a virgin, yeah we’ve heard that one before, Mary saves…,
Mohammad can’t go hashing ’cause he’s planning a jihad, Mohammad saves…,
Mohammad can’t go hashing ’cause he blows up all the trails,
Buddha can’t go hashing ’cause he’s just too fucking fat, Buddha saves…,

To end the song
Jesus we’re only kidding…

Sung to the tune When Jonny Comes Marching Home.

I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
She said hey hasher, you wanna lay

Refrain:
Get in, Get out, quit fuckin’ about
ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.

I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe,
she said hey hasher you’re way to low.

I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee,
she said hey hasher you’re kiddin’ me

I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh,
she said hey hasher you’re way to shy

I put my hand upon her leg
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her leg
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her leg,
she said hey hasher don’t make me beg

I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya ho
I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya ho
I put my hand upon her tit
she said, “hey hasher, you’re getting it”

I put my finger right about here
ya ho, ya ho
I put my finger right about here
ya ho, ya ho
I put my finger right about here
she said hey hasher are fucking queer?

I put my hand upon her ass
yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her ass
yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her ass
she said “hey hasher you’re there at last”

I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat,
she said hey hasher you hit the spot

I put my dick into her mouth
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm…
I put my dick into her mouth
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm…
I put my dick into her mouth,
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm…

I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box,
from havin’ too many hasher’s cocks

I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then,
I fucked her once, I’ll fuck her again!

Now these few hashers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few hashers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few hashers they went to hell,
they fucked the devil’s wives as well

Leader: Today is Monday!
All: Today is Monday!
Leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
All: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)

CHORUS:
Leader: is everybody happy?
All: You bet your ass we are!
All: (raise cups over heads and make one complete turn while humming)
Do-doddle, doot-doot, doot-doot, doot-doo.
Do-doddle, doot-doot, doot-doot, doot-doo.

Leader: Today is Tuesday!
All: Today is Tuesday!
Leader: Tuesday is a blow job day! (blow job motion)
All: Tuesday is a blow job day! (blow job motion)
Leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
All: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)

Chorus

(now that you’ve got the idea, here are the rest of the days)

Wednesday is a cunnilingus day! (stick tongue between two fingers)
Thursday is a drinking day! Thank God for Thursday! (raise glass in salute)
Friday is a fucking day! (humping motions, cheering, happiness)
Saturday is a hashing day! (running motions, cheering, happiness)
Sunday is a day of rest and relaxation. FUCK SUNDAY! Cause…