Hash Trash

04/16/16 #037 Mother Udder’s Cowtown Founders Analversary

A beautiful day was picked for our #37 Mother Udders Founders Analversary, hared by the original Cowtowner himself, BLACK WATCH. We met at The Rock in Columbus; where we were having so much fun in the bar, that we didn’t start trail for two hours.

After the on-start the long long long, 6 mile trail had begun.
We get to the first check and the group was split on which direction to go. It took us quite some time to find the correct way to go. Once we found our way, we were on our way down the dangerous Cooper Road and then to the beautiful Casto park.

From here we hiked a total of 3 miles to our one and only Beer Near stop. RALPHIE THE FRAT BOY decided to make his trail a little more difficult and pushed a baby jogger. He brought a long a little commander which we called Frat boy. The boy was a trooper, we were all treated to his stories on how many trails he has been on since he was only 4-1/2 years old. I think he complained the least on the trail.

After the one and only BN stop, we found ourselves at a long False which was a trash pit in the middle of a field, which was still smoldering from being on fire (probably from the night before). Once again, we had a difficult time finding the proper way to go as we kept finding only double false starts! Some hashers did not know there was a bike trail like the one we were on, so at least they learned something new. We finally found the right way to go and away we went.

We eventually found ourselves on an abandon railroad track that was heavily wooded, looking for the next BN stop. After a 6 mile trail (if you didn’t do all the false starts. And if you did, the Fitbit numbers were in the double digits), extreme thirst was had by all because the Hare didn’t keep up with the tradition of multiple BN Stops. I had started to think this was an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) version of a hash trail. We were assured that this wasn’t an AA hash trail, and there was indeed beer at the end…..if we didn’t die of thirst before we got there.

Finally, the On-in was found and dehydration was a thing of the past! No one needed medical help for dehydration, but LADY HUMPS A LOT was at the ready, if need be. We were all treated to a delicious potluck dinner and thanks go out to everyone who brought food. Special thanks to MOON OVER MY TRUCKIE for opening her house to these half-minds so soon after moving!

The circle was conducted by WORKING MEMBER, as our RA was sunbathing at a nude beach and couldn’t be bothered with us. While conducting circle, he was sweetening the air with his multiple flatulations. The weather was so nice, that 4 hashers were spring cleaning and airing out their private parts. As the temperature dropped, the air turned chilly. What better way to warm people up than a fire pit. The Fire building was done cave style with a log that could have heated up SERIALBATER’S cabeza! A new Renegade song was sung to the tune of an OSU drinking song, and for old time’s sake the old Cowtown song was sung as well. It was an endless circle with lots of funny stories.

Hash Trash

04/09/16 #036

I feel like this one needs a theme song…cue some Starsky & Hutch or something.

Episode 36: In Which Illuminutti Plays Lost And Found

Several themes seem to be developing lately with the ol’ Renegade hash. One of which is a general inability to assess the operating hours of the intended muster/on-in sites. Your author is himself guilty of this…but that was in January, which is practically last year, so who cares, right? Right. At any rate, it’s like a part of trail is finding the beer or something…who knew?

But anyway, this is about the piece of crap tossed around by LICK HER AGUAN. You’d think a guy who has hared half the trails he shows up for would know how to get shit done, but noooooooo. Despite the on-start shifting more than the sands in the Sahara, we were joined by two hashers who had been lurking about town; GOOD VIBRATIONS and LOW MAN ON THE SCROTUM POLE from OTH4 in DC. We welcomed them and proceeded to do our best to scare them off.

We gathered in Jordan’s Pub Scotch & Soda Jordan’s Pub, where we were all flattered by the bartender ID’ing everyone (well, not ILLUMINUTTI…keep your shit up to date folks), but not so flattered by the service in general. Because of this, we wanted to leave a bar?!? and a hash actually got started on time..or at least the “well, my watch says” on time of the 70s since we’re going with that theme. Our RA actually showed up for this trail, so the sun was shining at the start, but her prior sins would come back to haunt both us and her later.

Trail led kinda south, then kinda east across Morrison Rd. immediately to the first of many picture checks at questionable locations. Thanks for having us document the rental office of an apartment complex, Herr Hare. It was at this point we’d noticed that ILLUMINUTTI was lost, but no matter, we assured our newcomers…he’d be back. Now trail reads like a property deed…hence through said marks to a PC, whereupon twelve paces forthright he shall find a mailbox. Whatever, we took a picture in front of a fucking mailbox.

Thankfully after that the BN was right across the parking lot. As usual SERIALBATER put on his rocket shoes and we all enjoyed a nice beer, even as the snow began to fall hard. Thanks, IMMACULATE PROJECTION. Magically, ILLUMINUTTI appeared out of nowhere to fill up on more beer before disappearing again.

Eventually trail lead to a break in a fence toward a truly back alley bar. Alas, it wasn’t open, so the battle was on…one trunk beer and the FRBs vs. a charging SERIALBATER…well he won while we waited for it to open.

We got in the place and played nice for a few, and while it’s a dive bar, it’s not really hash friendly. But cheers to the owner for buying us all a shot, good on you there. But we decided to move the on-after to DUM BASS’ dead hooker storage emporium. It was there the true hash crimes were committed…the hare had DISAPPEARED!! That’s something like a loophole in hash law…you’ll drink for that…if we remember it later…sneaky fucker.

Anyway, circle was conducted, Immaculate lived up to the Projection, one can only assume the lost parties are still alive. On-on until next week.

Itchy Bitsy